The Example Of A Woman Essay, Research Paper
The Example of a Woman Sexual Renunciation and Augustine’s Conversion to Christianity in 386For you converted me to you so that I neither sought awife nor any other worldly hope. I was now standing inthe rule of faith in the same way that you had revealedme to her so many years before. And you transformed hermourning into a joy more abundant than she had wishedand much dearer and more chaste than that of havinggrandchildren of my flesh.> These are the words that conclude Bk. 8 of theConfessions, where Augustine recounts the dramatic finalmoments of his conversion to Christianity. In thesewords he speaks about God converting him “in such away”> that the varied desires and confusing intereststhat gathered around him in Milan were shed like oldgarments never to be taken up again. Augustine alsodescribes his mother’s new joy, and relates for thefirst time that in Monnica’s attempts for her son’smarriage we must see not only her desire for hisconversion but even the domestic joys of seeingAugustine’s offspring. This untoward domestic hope also reveals aremarkable imperfection. Why does Monnica cherish such adesire when there is already a grandson in the person ofAdeodatus? Is it simply a wish for more grandchildren?Or, is it, as may well have been the case, a desire forgrandchildren whose status in Roman society would not beso questionable? Monnica and Patricius had always beenconscious of their precarious place in the social worldof Tagaste, and this keen sense of their place in thatsociety had contributed to the kind of aspirations theyhad entertained for Augustine’s career. The concern here for grandchildren falls into thatgeneral order of earthly desires which comes in forcriticism in the early part of the Confessions.> Theconclusion of Bk. 8 recalls this other side of “pious”Monnica. In the moment of resolution for her son,Monnica too undergoes a conversion: her mourning isturned into a joy that is purer and more chaste, a joythat is not tied to earthly cares and hopes. The wordused here to describe Monnica’s transformation iscouertisti, the same word Augustine’s uses to describehis own experience. For himself, Augustine believes he has received adouble portion. Not only is he converted to God, but heis converted from the desire for a wife and the honor ofa respectable career. This tandem, of love for the worldand a woman’s embrace, emerge as the twin anxieties thatovershadow Augustine’s last year in Milan before hisconversion. Augustine’s words are the invocations of arenunciate: turning his back on the world –his hopes,desires and dreams. To have given up the hope ofmarriage meant that Augustine was turning his back onthe Milanese girl on whom he was in waiting. But whythis drastic change? And why so final an act of sexualrenunciation? What brought Augustine from the positionof seeking a wife in order to prepare himself forChristian baptism (hence conversion to Christianity) tothe point where conversion entailed an act of sexualrenunciation? Studies of Augustine’s conversion have beenunusually silent on this point.> Even when referenceshave been made to a passage such as De bono coniugali5.5, where Augustine describes a scenario that fits alltoo perfectly the circumstances under which his firstconcubine was separated from him, it has not led toreconsiderations of the events shortly precedingAugustine’s conversion. Even less has it engendered areevaluation of the role of the mother of Adeodatus inAugustine’s conversion. Peter Brown, for example, seesthe patent self-referentiality of Augustine’s words andmerely comments that in the circumstances Augustinefailed.> But the sense of failure is not seen as in anyway constitutive of the equation of sexual renunciationwith conversion to Christianity. In his much earlierbiography of Augustine, Brown went so far as toacknowledge the ascetic implications of the vow ofAugustine’s first concubine, but the matter was made torest there.> An oversight of another kind shows up in FrederickVan Fleteren’s essay on “Augustine’s Theory ofConversion.”> He counts at least twelve conversionstories or retellings of conversions in the Confessions.But the experience of the mother of Adeodatus is notincluded among them, even though there are clearindications that some kind of conversion may have takenplace. Since Augustine weaves his own story around theother conversion narratives, the absence of hisconcubine from the circle of those individuals whoseconversions may have affected Augustine’s means that herpossible influence is all but precluded. In this study I will attempt three things. First Iwill try to show that the equation of sexualrenunciation with Christian conversion is essential fora proper understanding of the nature of Augustine’sconversion. Second, that Augustine came to make the linkbetween conversion and continence through a belatedresponse to the vow of sexual renunciation made by themother of Adeodatus. And third, the nature of hisconcubine’s vow and Augustine’s description of it in theConfessions constitutes a muted conversion narrative –perhaps the most pivotal conversion story in the wholetext, because it established the terms in whichAugustine came to understand his possible conversion toChristianity. As I have already indicated Augustine describes thefinal phase of his conversion to Christianity in highlypersonal terms, relegating to the background the way inwhich the scholarly debate over the past century hasbeen shaped. Since Alfaric> much of the discussion aboutAugustine’s conversion has centered on whether he wasconverted to something less authentically Christian in386. Alfaric put the matter bluntly by saying that theconversion in 386 was to Neo-Platonism and that theconversion to Christianity actually came years later, in396. Not the least of the reasons given for thisunderstanding of Augustine’s conversions are theapparent differences between the early works (especiallythe so-called Cassiciacum dialogues written between hisconversion and baptism) and the works coming out of theperiod following his De diversus queastionibus VII adSimplicianum. However much others have sought over theyears to defend the putatively Christian basis ofAugustine’s conversion in 386 the literary record tendedto get in the way, or was perceived to get in the way. The view that now holds the field is the carefullynuanced argument of P. Courcelle> who maintains that theChristianity vs. Neo-Platonism polarity is a tadmisleading when it comes to the Milanese background ofAugustine’s conversion experience. Rather than seeingtwo distinct episodic conversions, one Neo-Platonic andthe other Christian, Courcelle describes a Milaneseenvironment that is at once Christian and Neo-Platonic.In which case, Augustine would have encountered Neo-Platonism in Christian dress and vice-versa, and did nothave the opportunity to encounter one without the other.From Ambrose, Simplicianus, Manlius Theodorus andothers, he would have breathed a Christian Neo-Platonismwithout any perceptual sense that this was an odd way ofreceiving one’s Christianity. By removing the antithesis between Christianity andNeo-Platonism in the Milan of the 380s Courcelle allowsfor the kind of simultaneous influence which seems to beevident in the early writings. The emphasis throughoutCourcelle’s analysis is on the intellectual side ofAugustine’s experience over and against the moralaspects of his conversion.> Courcelle all but overlooksthe terms in which Augustine described and understoodhis conversion. Even if one is inclined to accept themuch later theological re-interpretation of hisexperience found in the Confessions with some amount ofskepticism, it must still be recognized that forAugustine the conversion in 386 was something veryintensely personal. For him the important thing was thatat that time he was able to turn his back on the worldin two very specific ways: he was prepared to give uphis ambitions for a public career and was willing toresign himself to a life of sexual renunciation.Some Early Accounts of Augustine’s ConversionSome of the earliest literary accounts of Augustine’sconversion deserve mention at this point because theytend to support the intellectual side of his conversionto the possible exclusion of the dramatic moral crisisthat he appears to have gone through. The preface to Debeata vita contains one such account. In a dedication toManlius Theodorus, Augustine presents De beata vita as aphilosophical exercise that had long been overdue. Hetells Theodorus that he had delayed his full embrace ofphilosophy for reasons that were less than estimable. Instating the reasons, there is no mention whatsoever of atraumatic experience preceding his conversion. Rather,Augustine refers first to the three classes of peoplewho would be fit for philosophy. He places himself inthe third class, those who, since youth through wastingtheir lives in useless pursuit yearn for a standard,hankering for a homeland they remember only too vaguely.Some return directly or, delayed by some enticements,they wander until they finally make the sailing.Sometimes they even suffer great peril in theirwanderings, like star-gazing (a possible allusion toastrology?), when they ought to be boarding the shipthat would bring them home. However, Augustine believes that all who endeavorto reach the goal must encounter some obstacles. Andhere he alludes to a huge mountain before the port ofcall as befitting the kind of obstacles that one mightwell confront.> Still the greatest obstacle, andAugustine gets a lot of mileage out of this one, ispride. This emphasis on pride as the greatest obstacleto the Truth and the blessed life anticipates his latercritique of the Platonists as a band of philosophers tooproud to submit themselves to the humility of Christ.>Augustine appeals to Theodorus for an assessment of hisadvancement in philosophy. He expects help too as hesubmits this exercise in Christian dialectic to thephilosophical wit of his friend.> Augustine goes on to recount what had happenedsince his nineteenth birthday. He refers to howHortensius fired him with love for wisdom (tanto amorephilosphiae succensus sum), his dalliance withastrology, a nine-year tenure with the Manichees, and alater infatuation with Academic skepticism. He mentionshow the sermons of the Bishop (Ambrose) and Theodorus’words helped him to start thinking about God inspiritual terms rather than the crude corporeal image hehad imagined since his boyhood. Then he notes one mainimpediment to his progress, namely, his desire for awife and the love of honor. He makes the interestingadmission that after reading the Platonists andcomparing them with the scriptures he was all but readyto break his chains except for the esteem of certainpeople of repute.> Finally, he adds that he was rescuedfrom his predicament by the onset of medical problems,chest pains (pectoris dolor), which allowed him to takethe desired rest (optate tranquillitati). Augustine refers to his circumstances atCassiciacum as philosophical leisure. He can chart hiscourse from the time of reading Hortensius in hisnineteenth year through the many turns of his life rightup to Cassiciacum. It is not exactly a straight course,but he believes he has arrived at a point where he candevote himself to philosophy. It appears fromAugustine’s comments here that he was ready to give upboth marriage and honors when he encountered thePlatonists and the scriptures, but held back onlybecause of the possible offense he might cause to somewell-placed individuals in Milan (nisi me nonnullorumhominum existimatio commoueret). But who were thesepeople? And exactly what influence did they exert on theyoung Augustine that he delayed his turn to a life ofphilosophical leisure? Besides, how is this in any wayrelated to the dramatic experience recounted in Bk. 8 ofthe Confessions? The account in De beata vita does not mention theanxiety that led to Augustine’s visit to Simplicianus(Conf. 8.2.3). That part of Augustine’s experience iselided from De beata vita 1.4, although in outline it isvirtually identical with what Augustine offers inConfessions Bk. 7. The only possible allusion to hisanxieties is the statement that he was hampered in hisdesire for philosophical retreat because of the esteemof certain individuals. But even this is too veiled. An equally veiled outline is to be found at ContraAcademicos 2.2.5. Here too Augustine speaks of hislonging for philosophical retirement (2.2.4). Herecalled how Romanianus had consoled him when Patriciusdied and how much that friendship had encouraged himtowards the course that he was now pursuing atCassiciacum. Augustine reminds Romanianus that duringthose difficult days he had always insisted that thetruly happy life was one devoted to philosophicalleisure, though he could not see abandoning his careerbecause so many others depended on him. His longing hadnever been assuaged, and was set ablaze when certainbooks came into his hands. He no longer had any interestin honor, fame or the mitigation of this mortalexistence. He sought better things. And the religion ofhis youth began to draw him back to his goal. Thewritings of Paul set him in the direction he had alwayslonged for.> The fascinating detail about Augustine’sdescription in Contra Academicos is that he conceivesthe entire process, from beginning to end, as aphilosophical pilgrimage. It is after his encounter withPaul that philosophy beckons him home (tunc . . . mihiphilosophiae facies aperuit).> Augustine sets hisexperience in the framework established by Cicero’sHortensius: Catholic Christianity is the way tophilosophy, the love of wisdom. Again Augustine leaves out any mention of adramatic conversion. In fact, the pilgrimage could notbe more straightforward. Here too the only intimation ofdifficulties comes in the oblique reference to the factwhen he got hold of certain books he no longer desiredhonor and fame, and did not care to simply make a fewamends to his life. But that is not saying very much inthe way of drama. Like the narrative in De beata vitathe account in Contra Academicos lacks the palpableregret one finds in Soliloquia, another one of theCassiciacum dialogues, where the subject of Augustine’sdisavowal of marriage is more conspicuous. “What about a wife?” Reason poses this question forAugustine. The response is emphatic. “However much youwish to paint her and to pile up on her every attraction, it will be of no account to me. I intendvery much to be continent.” Augustine goes on:I think that nothing unbars the door to a man’s mindmore than feminine charm and that contact with a woman’sbody which is so essential to having a wife.Consequently, if, as part of his duty, a wise man –whoI have not yet discovered– takes heed to have childrenand has sexual relations on account of this, as far as Iam concerned, it is to be seen as an amazing thing, butno one should imitate him. For these dangers are able tobeguile more than any happiness they might give. Forthis reason it is sufficient, I believe, rightly andprofitably, for the freedom of my soul that I haveordered myself not to desire, not to seek, not to marrya wife.> Augustine’s reasoning is based on the requirementsof the philosophical life. And he finds it amazing thata wise man would consider having children as part of hisduty and would then endure the great peril that issleeping with a woman just for the sake of fulfillinghis obligation. Augustine sees living with a woman as agreat threat to intellectual life, it throws open thesafe of a man’s mind (ex arce deiciat animum virilem).However, reading between the lines the real problemseems to be one of self-control, the ability to guardthe doorway of one’s soul. So even though thephilosophical rationale predominates, it is largelysecondary to the self-legislation that Augustine hasimposed on himself for the good of his soul (utiliterpro libertate animae meae). Astonishingly, Augustine also unabashedly refers towisdom as a woman, a lover, a theme that is at oncebiblical and Plotinian.> And as Reason tries to findout what kind of lover Augustine is a problem emerges.>Despite Augustine’s confidence he is not quite healthyenough for all this talk about embracing wisdom in sucha way that there is nothing that stands between them(nullo interposito velamento quasi nudam). He is soonreminded by Reason that for all his aplomb his life ofcontinence is riddled with difficulties. In the previousdays reflections he had sounded out confidently that awoman’s embrace was too sordid a prospect tocontemplate. And yet while he ruminated with himselfduring the night it all seemed so very different.Augustine continued to be tempted by the bittersweetness (amara suavitas) of what he had so easilydismissed during the day.> “Be silent, I pray, be silent,” Augustine pleads.”Why do you grieve me? Why do you dig and penetrate sodeeply? I am already inured to tears. From now on Ipromise nothing, I presume nothing. Do not interrogateme about these things.”> The dissonance between what hethinks he has achieved and the troubles that stillplague him here in the Soliloquies adumbrate similarconcerns in Bk. 10 of the Confessions. His troubles were far from over as he lay in bed atCassiciacum. Still, Augustine had chosen continence overmarriage and he intended to keep to that choice. Thecontinuing distress about his life of continencedemonstrates the peculiarity of Augustine’s equation ofcontinence and conversion in the months leading up tothe dramatic scene in the garden in Milan (Conf. 8.8.19-8.12.30). The highly textured fashion in which theConfessions portray Augustine’s anxieties is essentialto understanding this equation. Continence and A Possible Conversion to ChristianityAugustine’s conversion narrative proper begins inConfessions Bk. 7. In a retrospective, reminiscent ofthe account in De beata vita, he recounts the variousturns he had taken since adolescence: First theManichees, then astrology, Academic skepticism, Neo-Platonism, and finally Paul and the Scriptures.Chronologically he goes over material that he hasalready described in Bks. 4-6. However, Bk. 7 gives acoherent and tidy account of the various errors fromwhich he was converted, preparing the way for theclimactic overture in Bk. 8. Yet the intellectualodyssey in Bk. 7 seems to have little bearing on thetheme of sexual renunciation which concludes Bk. 8. In Bk. 7 Augustine speaks of the chains in which hewas shackled as he sought desperately to find an answerfor the question about the origin of evil. This washardly an academic issue for him, he was suffering manyinner torments which no one else knew.> Much of thelanguage here tends to link his chains with pride, withthe effect that his intellectual difficulties remain atthe forefront. However, by linking the language ofcensure and self-deprecation with his desire to serveGod and thereby master his body,> he offers a vagueallusion that perhaps beside the managed air ofintellectual problems that befuddle him there is anothermore fundamental problem. When he tries to work his wayto think of God in non-corporeal terms other images seemto shout back, accusing him of being vile and unworthy(indigne et sordide).> Augustine does not begin to unravel his existentialcrisis until the opening lines of Bk. 8, withintellectual certainties on the one hand and avacillating will on the other:Of thy eternal life I was now certain, though I saw itin a figure and as through a glass. Yet I ceased todoubt that there was an incorruptible substance, whencewas all other substances; nor did I now [desire] to bemore certain of Thee, but more steadfast in Thee. Butfor my temporal life, all was wavering, and my heart hadto be purged from the old leaven. The Way, the SaviourHimself, well pleased me, but as yet I shrunk from goingthrough its straitness.> So many people throng to the Church, but Augustinestill leads a secular life (agabam in saeculo). The wayseems too narrow, too constricting. Only now he has lostthe desire for honor and attainment.> So he is doublymiserable, displeased with himself, and his life aburden to bear (oneri mihi). He cannot quite keep awayfrom the Church, but as yet he is hesitant. He stillfinds himself chained, as it were, to his desire for awoman’s embrace (sed adhuc tenaciter conligabar exfemina). He adds that the apostle (that is, Paul) does notforbid him marriage (nec me prohibebat apostolusconiugari) but he finds himself so self-indulgent thathe cannot attain to the higher calling of continence.And then he notes that Truth (that is Jesus) teaches himsimilarly, quoting Matthew 19.12 about those who makethemselves eunuchs for the kingdom of God. All this isto show Augustine in a less than admirable position: helanguishes in his weakness (ego imfirmior). It is analmost unrecognizable image of the man who had soadamantly urged against Alypius that for him marriageand a philosophical life went hand in hand, and moreoverhe could not envision a happy life without a woman’sembrace (Conf. 6.13-14). Here, we catch a glimpse of hisdepression:But I being weak, chose the more indulgent place; andbecause of this alone, was tossed up and down in allbeside, faint and wasted with withering cares, becausein other matters I was constrained against my will toconform myself to a married life, to which I was givenup and enthralled.> By this time Augustine had already been through theexperience of seeing his first concubine sent back toAfrica, and unwilling to observe continence he had takenanother concubine (Conf. 6.15.25). In the meantime hewaited to get married to someone of his own social classand rank. Although marriage was all but certain,Augustine seemed to be wearying of the idea. As we readhim here, he seems to think that marriage isinconsistent with his conversion to Christianity. Heacknowledges that he is not obliged to reject themarried state, but he seems to think that marriage forhim would be an honorable self-indulgence at best. Augustine defines his problem in terms of the manin the parable in the Gospels who finds a pearl of greatprice and sells everything to acquire it. Except that inhis case he hesitates.> And to Simplicianus he goes,desperate for help, desperate for resolution. He expectsto be helped on the way because by dint of age andexperience Simplicianus would know what proper coursesomeone in Augustine’s situation needed to take (undemihi ut proferret uolebam conferentis secum aestusmeos).> Augustine’s emphasis here is on his uncertaintyand lack of resolve (aestus). Sensing the opportunity to tell a conversion storythat would appeal to Augustine’s own situation,Simplicianus speaks about the conversion of his friendMarius Victorinus. Victorinus had had something like atext-book philosophical conversion of the sort thatAugustine should have found congenial to histemperament, that is, if the intellectual odyssey wasall there had been. But the much hoped for conversiondoes not happen. Upon hearing Victorinus’ storyAugustine expresses a wish to imitate him (exarsi adimitandum).> But no sooner has he expressed the wishthan he is brought to his senses to confront the realitythat gnaws at him. We see Augustine again going over thenature of his anxiety, with an added comment that hefound in himself the conflict between the flesh and thespirit spoken of by Paul (Gal 5; Rom 7-8). In hiscommentary on the events of that period Augustine nowsees quite unmistakably the problem of the dividedwill.> He had responded with ardor to the story ofVictorinus’ conversion only to regress. Julian’s ban, which compelled Victorinus to give upteaching, seemed propitious to Augustine because itallowed Victorinus to retire into philosophical leisure.Perhaps this is what Augustine would have wanted: apretext of some sort to help him do what he thoughtneeded doing. After all if he lacked one thing it wasresolve, and anything which could get him there waswelcome. Augustine’s iron will held fast.> The desireto retire from his profession was in any event thelesser of his worries.My will the enemy held, and thence had made a chain forme, and bound me. For of a forward will, was a lustmade; and a lust served became custom; and custom notresisted, became necessity. By which links, as it were,joined together (whence I called it a chain) a hardbondage held me enthralled. But that new will which hadbegan to be in me, freely to serve Thee, and to wish toenjoy Thee, O God, the only assured pleasantness, wasnot yet able to overcome my former willfulness,strengthened by age. Thus did my two wills, one new, andthe other old, one carnal, the other spiritual, strugglewith me; and by their discord, undid my soul.> By turns censorious and apologetic Augustinedescribes himself in Conf. Bk. 8 in terms of a conflictbetween two wills: one old, carnal and entrenchedthrough years of habit and the other, new, spiritual andinchoate. Unable to follow the example set by a woman,he had the temerity to do even worse: take anotherconcubine. To say that Augustine acted deplorably mayseem overly harsh. Yet he seems to be passing that kindof judgment on his own past, and in doing so invites hisinterpreters to wonder to what extent the departure ofhis concubine may have been decisive for the terms inwhich he came to understand his possible conversion toChristianity. Exactly when and at what time he came torethink what possible road he might take to becoming afull member of the church is not clear. What is beyonddoubt is that sometime between the departure of hisconcubine and his conversion in 386 Augustine came tolink his possible conversion to Christianity with sexualrenunciation. More specifically, by the time he decidesto pay a visit to Simplicianus (Conf. 8.1.1) Augustinehas made the equation between conversion and continence. For all the anguish he must have endured Augustinewas unusually deliberate. The slow progression towardsresolution may also have prolonged his distress. Hehesitated when he heard the story of Victorinus. Againhe would hesitate when he hears the story of Anthony.The conversion of Victorinus seemed too sedate and toowell-managed a change, despite the fact that culturally,intellectually and professionally Augustine share a gooddeal with him. There is scarcely a hint that Victorinusunderwent anything like the deep emotional andpsychological trauma of Augustine’s. The stories told by Ponticianus were especiallywell suited for Augustine: the decisiveness of those twocourtiers was what he needed. They had renounced theworld for something more enduring. And they had done sojust at the time in their careers when there were plyingthe very corridors of power and prestige in the Empire(Conf. 8.6.15). The effect on their own relations werealmost immediate: the women to whom they were engagedalso renounced the world, dedicating their virginity toGod (dicauerunt etiam ipsae uirginitatem tibi). Since his days as a Manichee, Augustine had neverlost his fascination with exemplary lives. But what hewas hearing now belonged to a different order. Hence thequestions he vaguely remembers posing for Alypius: Whatis wrong with us? What is this you have heard? Theunlearned rise up and take heaven by force, while we(look at us!) with all our learning are wallowing inflesh and blood. Is it because they have gone ahead thatwe are ashamed to follow? And do we feel no shame at noteven following at all?”> Renunciation, continence,imitation and the shame of the learned and weak-willedwho cannot do what the simple (indocti) dare to do:these are the issues around which Augustine’s musingsrevolve. The turning point began after Ponticianus left(Conf. 8.7.18). Augustine turned inward in a mannerreminiscent of his Neo-Platonic contemplations in Bk. 7.What stands out here is the high moral awareness thatAugustine brings to his introspection, which suggeststhat probably the most important thing he learned fromhis encounter with the Neo-Platonists, apart from hisnew found ability to think of non-material, spiritual,entities, was a vocabulary of inwardness and a moralconsciousness which compelled him to even deeperintrospection. Earlier, I made the point that the intellectualproblems had been resolved in favor of Christianity, andAugustine had no difficulty at Conf. 8.1 recognizing hisultimate good in the church. However, in De beata vitahe wrote about delaying his philosophical retirementbecause of the esteem of some individuals in Milan, andhe related that delay also to his desire for a wife.Before going any further I should like to suggest onepossible way of construing this aspect of Augustine’sproblems in the context of the anxieties brought on by apossible marriage. Having arrived at the conviction that Christianconversion required of him a life of sexualrenunciation, Augustine recognized the need to abrogatethe marriage he had all but contracted. In thissituation only the courtesies of the aristocraticcircles in Milan prevented him from doing what hethought necessary. It is highly doubtful that Augustinecould have stayed in Milan after annulling the marriage,even if he had not dreamed of a philosophicalretirement. It is doubtful too that the MilaneseChristian aristocracy could endure what would have beenperceived as an affront, a slight by the youngrhetorician who had sought their patronage, and from anAfrican no less. In a world so conscious of social rank and theprobity of one’s actions towards one’s patrons it wouldbe reasonable for Augustine to worry about hisreputation at this point. One even suspects that theapparently shrewd (though not altogether untruthful) wayin which he resigned his chair may have been part of ageneral desire not to elicit any undue attention in hisdirection (Conf. 9.2.2-9.2.4). It would have beenexciting to renounce rhetoric the way Victorinus haddone, but for Augustine such a public disavowal of theold ways would have been too flaunting. He had notreached anyway near the status and reputation ofVictorinus (another African) to go through so public arejection of the old ways. Besides, turning down aproper marriage would not commend Augustine to the verywell-connected families in Milan. A quiet retreat wasreasonable and much to be desired.> These considerations may have added to Augustine’sanxiety, but it still leaves out why he made theinextricable link between Christian conversion andsexual renunciation in the first place. Getting marriedneed not have been so problematic unless Augustine had