As the one God intended to take the lead, a husband ought to take the lead in
creating, in marriage, an atmosphere of giving and serving. Then the wife should
surely follow this lead so that each party is trying to give a wonderful life
and marriage to the other, to enrich their partner’s life in every possible way.
Otherwise, if both partners are immature, selfish and just trying to “get”, then
big trouble lies ahead!
You husbands especially need to remember that Christ gave Himself for the
Church:
That He might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,
that he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or
wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. So
ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loves his wife loves
himself (Ephesians 5:26-28). Authorized (King James) Version.
Every right-minded man certainly desires to cherish and protect his wife. She is
his sweetheart, his companion, the mother of his children. He ought to realize
that she is part of him! “For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and
cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church” (verse 29).
Realizing that his wife is part of him, a man certainly ought to have a
solicitous and protective feeling toward his wife and sweetheart. He should
constantly be thinking of her welfare so that she does not strain or overdo; so
that her grace and beauty may be preserved throughout all of their married life.
A real man will notice when his wife is overworking and lighten her burdens
whenever possible. He will leap to action to lift heavy things for her, scrub
those burnt pans or vacuum for her when she is tired or over worked. He will
help her when she is sick, and protectively and lovingly watch over her in many
such ways!
Of course, a man should not do this because he is nagged or henpecked into doing
it! And no right-minded wife would knowingly do this. If a wife makes demands
beyond reason upon her husband, it is his duty as the family’s leader to set his
foot down and restore a proper balance in their relationship–though, as much as
possible, he still helps her out in sincere love and concern for their life
together. The woman also has her responsibilities, her particular duties in the
household, and she should gladly do them. But, help from her husband comes in as
an act of love–freely and fully given when she is sick, downcast or is suddenly
faced with an object too heavy to lift, a job too difficult for her to
accomplish without the physically stronger partner of the marriage giving of his
help and strength in love to his wife and sweetheart.
Learn this lesson, men! Your wives will repay you in a thousand ways over the
years to come if you learn to give this help when it is needed–and give it
freely and in kindness.
The Christian wife
Certainly every Christian woman ought to think about serving her husband–about
caring for his health and personal needs, about encouraging him, loving him and
helping him grow as a husband and father in every way she can.
One of the great tragedies of our inflationary society is that millions of young
wives are virtually forced to work outside the home! Often, they come home tired
and bedraggled at night. A wife in this situation lacks the zest and energy to
cook special meals, keep the house as she would wish to–let alone be an
enthusiastic sweetheart, companion and lover for her husband.
Each of you who read this need to meditate deeply about the quality of life you
desire. Think carefully about building a real family with children–and a wife
that is able to stay home and rear that family as our Creator certainly
intended!
The apostle Paul was inspired to instruct the older women:
That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love
their children, To be discrete, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their
own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed (Titus 2:4-5) Authorized
(King James) Version.
As Proverbs 31 tells us, a woman like this who gives herself to her family, to
building a real home–will indeed be honored both by God and by man. “Her
children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her”
(Proverbs 31:28).
If you can use your marriage and your family as a “training ground,” to
unreservedly love, share and give to others, you will develop the greatest
characteristic of all. Then, from a strong, happy marriage as a base of strength,
that love can flow out from you and your mate to the rest of your family,
friends, neighbors and associates.
In every aspect of your married life, learn to practice the way of give. You
will not be sorry.
V. The ART of FORGIVING
To be happy and remain happy in marriage, you must not only give but also
forgive. There have never been two perfect people on earth, and so no marriage
has ever been truly perfect–as all long-married people understand.
You knew full well when you married that your husband or wife was not perfect.
So you must not hold them up to some unreasonable standard of perfection. If you
do, you will both be perfectly miserable.
When there are real misunderstandings and hurts–and there will be–you must
learn to forgive. As a real Christian, you are commanded to forgive all men–so
how much more your own mate!
Jesus Christ, the One who shed His blood for us, stated, “For if you forgive men
their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not
forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses”
(Matthew 6:14-15).
You must ask God in prayer to grant you the spirit of forgiveness–the ability
to completely put away all resentment and animosity against others who have hurt
you. And then you need to practice this. Do it regularly. Build the habit of
forgiving others quickly, especially your own mate!
There are those who carry grudges. They often brood and fume and smolder over
little hurts and misunderstandings.
Are you like this?
If you are, you need to pray to God in heaven to help you get over this
tendency–and to completely forgive your mate for the literally dozens of little
hurts that can occur when two people live together.
Do you really enjoy making yourself miserable, your mate miserable and everyone
else miserable by carrying grudges around forever? If you really think about it,
very few of us really want this result.
So work on it.
Change your pattern of thinking. Don’t allow yourself to get hurt so easily.
Pray your heart out to God who is called “the Father of mercies” (II Corinthians
1:3). As He forgives us again and again, so must we forgive others–including
our mates.
The apostle Peter commands Christian men to honor their wives, “as being heirs
together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered” (I Peter
3:7).
Peter then proceeds to give instructions that apply to all situations, but
especially the “marriage situation”:
Finally, all of you be of one mind, having compassion for one another; love as
brothers, be tenderhearted, be courteous; not returning evil for evil or
reviling for reviling, but on the contrary blessing, knowing that you were
called to this, that you may inherit a blessing (verses 8-9).
Yes, we need to have compassion for our mates and forgive them regularly. We
need to be courteous and tenderhearted in marriage. For marriage is a wonderful
workshop for learning the art of giving, forgiving, kindness and mercy–if we
will prayerfully and unselfishly use it to help us build these qualities into
our character.
The apostle Peter asked Jesus, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me,
and I forgive him? Up to seven times?” (Matthew 18:21).
Think about it! Sometimes your mate will offend you (though you probably
shouldn’t be so sensitive!) many times in one day!
Jesus understood. He knew that we all need forgiveness from God and from each
other again and again. So Jesus answered, “I do not say to you, up to seven
times, but up to seventy times seven” (verse 22).
So love your mate. Forgive your mate. Don’t carry grudges.
Remember how difficult it must be for him or her to live with you! If you were
someone else, how would you like to have to put up with all the mistakes and
foibles that you exhibit almost every week of your life?
Remind yourself that you cannot be happy “hating” your mate. Learn to genuinely
forgive, forget and move forward to a truly joyous and satisfying life.
Which brings us to our next point.
VI. Romance and fun
Most courtships and marriages begin with romance and fun. The young couple
spends a lot of time together. They go to the beach, the mountains or the park.
They eat together. They go out dancing, or to the museum, libraries or movies.
Above all, they have long, intimate talks with each other–looking into each
other’s eyes, exulting in the romance of love.
And they have fun.
In most cases, they laugh and kiss and kid around and really enjoy the getting-
to-know-you stage of courtship. Life takes on a special glow because of their
attraction to each other–and because they are using that attraction to enhance
and make special the sharing of all their activities and intimate moments
together.
But all too often–a few weeks or months after the marriage–this fun and
romance begins to leave the marriage. Often, life becomes hum-drum and dull and
one or both marriage partners start asking themselves, “What went wrong?”
Why?
There are often a number of reasons, of course, but let’s discuss two of the
most common reasons why a marriage loses its romance and zest.