have something important to say. We have to work together. Everyone has the right to
make suggestions, we just can’t tell people to shut up all the time. You’re not the only one
with ideas worth listening to. In fact, I’m not sure that you’ve had one good idea yet, and
still you shoot down everyone else. Keep your ego under control and your mouth shut.
LEON: (aside) I can’t wait for an opportunity to shoot you down….
LOWELL: (Jumps up) Wait a minute!…..I mean, ummm, excuse me. We can’t leave yet.
LEON: (sighs) Why can’t we go now?
LOWELL: We haven’t signed a contract yet. Does anyone have one?
MENDEVOLIN: Yes, right here (pulls out contract, LOWELL and DEREK sign it)
SPRUCE: Ok, well if everything’s in order, we can be on our way.
(everyone leaves down the stairs stage left and out the side door except LEON. LEON
lingers on stage, pulls out pistol, admires it and shoots blank towards stage door.)
NOTE: Mendevolin must leave last (before Leon)
ACT II SCENE III
(ALL enter stage right side door)
MENDEVOLIN: Lives behind the waterfall, Lives behind the waterfall. That doesn’t
even make sense anymore.
SPRUCE: What’cha got? (Smile at MENDEVOLIN)
MENDEVOLIN: Just something my father gave me before he passed away. He told me
about this quest, said I should find Pardudious and gave me this (holds up scroll), what’s
written can’t be accurate though. Since Pardudious is not a person, he can’t possibly live
behind a waterfall.
LEON: Let me see that. (MENDEVOLIN hands scroll LEON. LEON looks at it) Just
looks like gibberish to me.
LOWELL: People said that we were crazy to build a castle on a swamp, but we did, and
it sunk into a swamp. So, we built a second castle, and it sunk too. So we built a third
castle, it was burned, pillaged and fell to the ground, and then it sunk into the swamp. So
we built a fourth castle and it’s standing, it’s the strongest castle in all the lands. But
father, I don’t want the castle, I want, I want…..No no no, there’ll be no singing while I’m
still here, stop the music, stop it right now, I won’t……oh excuse me (sits on stairs stage
right).
(ALL are staring at LOWELL by the end of the speech)
SPRUCE: No Leon, that was gibberish.
DEREK: (DEREK comes down stairs stage left, walks towards group) Well, it’s there
alright. Now all we have to do is find a way to get it past the flow of the water, any
suggestions?
MENDEVOLIN: Derek, my good friend, how did you know to look there?
DEREK: Easy, just take a look at the scroll
MENDEVOLIN: (MENDEVOLIN looks at scroll again) Ok, perhaps it would help if I
knew what I was looking for.
DEREK: Not that side, turn it over. (MENDEVOLIN turns scroll over) See, there it is.
LEON: Hmmmm, you would’ve thought that a powerful mage like yourself would have
known to check both sides of a scroll. I’m just glad it wasn’t a spell scroll you were
reading from, that would have certainly been disasterous. Though it wouldn’t surprise me
to find out you’ve done it once or twice. (this catches MENDEVOLIN’s attention)
LOWELL: (snaps to attention) Check for fine print, check for fine print!
ALL: What!?
LEON: For the love of god, somebody slap a muzzle on the boy!
(MENDEVOLIN takes offence and marches angrily towards LEON. LEON forces the
scroll on SPRUCE who steps aside and looks at it. LEON takes a defensive stance)
LOWELL: (aside) My god is bound to look favourably upon me! It seems everywhere I
go, I cause chaos! They say they’re powerful mages, but they have no idea of the power
that is weilded by the followers of chaos! If they start something, we’re really going to see
a show. (LOWELL begins preparing for a battle)
SPRUCE: Well, would ya’ look at this! Fine Print!
ALL: Shut Up!
SPRUCE: No, I’m serious. Listen: “If through the water your path does lay, just quote
Fat Albert, say ‘Hey’, ‘Hey’, ‘Hey’”
(As words are spoken, curtains open to reveal boat behind. ALL are unaware of what
happened, adlibbing conversation about words)
MENDEVOLIN: (turning around) That’s Pardudious (everyone stops talking, turns
around) Not very impressive is it? I’ve known orcs to ride around in better.
DEREK: It may not look like much, but it’s powers are beyond your comprehension and
my imagination.
LEON: Beyond their comprehension maybe. Beyond mine, I beg to differ. Now, show
me the way to the controls and I’ll have us out of here in no time.
(ALL head towards ship except LOWELL who lingers for a moment)
LOWELL: I just want everyone to know that I get airsick.
ACT III SCENE I
(enter ALL from stage left)
MENDEVOLIN: Well, we’re here.
DEREK: Short trip, you’d think that it’d be a lot harder to get to an Island that most
people don’t even think exists.
LEON: (checking his wrist hourglass) Yeah, we’ve only been travelling an hour.
MENDEVOLIN: Now, I have a few things here that my father told me would help us. I
realize you may wonder of the usefulness of the items I am about to give you but I have
confidence, my father would not have given them to me were they not going to be helpful.
(MENDEVOLIN pulls forth the flyswatters from his sack)
LOWELL: Wow! You’ve got some of those…..Thingies!
LEON: What manner of insuperior weapon are those? I bet you couldn’t even kill a fly
with them!
MENDEVOLIN: Well….ummm…..
LOWELL: You mean you never heard the legend?
SPRUCE: Legend???
LOWELL: Yeah, the legend of the tailor that killed seven giants with one of these!
(LOWELL then proceeds to sword fight with flyswatter. ALL stare at him)….sorry.
(LOWELL sits down like before)
SPRUCE: Well, if you can kill giants with one of these things, you’ll have no problem
killing a few little bees right? (murmurs of consent)
MENDEVOLIN: Right then. Has everyone been armed with a……(looks at LOWELL)
LOWELL: Thingy.
MENDEVOLIN: Right! With a THINGY! (everyone awkwardly holds up flyswatters
except for LOWELL and MENDEVOLIN)OK! To the Bees!
ALL: TO THE BEES!
(exit ALL stage right)
ACT III SCENE II
(enter ALL stage left)
MENDEVOLIN: Where is the hive…..it’s supposed to be here. AHEM. I’m sure, it’s
right around here somewhere.(hive pops out behind front curtain stage right on stick)
thankyou.
DEREK: Look, I see it, over there (points at hive)
LOWELL: Hit it with your shovel Leon!
LEON: My what?
LOWELL: Your shovel. (shovel flies in from offstage right. LEON catches shovel
and looks at it, and unimpressed, hands it to LOWELL, he turns from others, telling
story in aside like state) I remember my mom used to go out and find hives just so that
she could whack them with her shovel.(LOWELL turns back to group) I thought
everyone whacked hives with shovels?
SRPUCE: Shovel, you don’t use a shovel, you use a pitchfork. (Pitchfork comes from
offstage right, SPRUCE catches it)
LOWELL: What do you mean! Pitchfork, are you nuts? Shovel!
SPRUCE: Pitchfork!
LOWELL: Shovel!
(LOWELL and SPRUCE repeat several times. Spruce wins by pointing the pitchfork at
LOWELL)
LOWELL: Ok, ok, pitchfork.(LOWELL sits down with shovel across lap)
LEON: Oh, enough of this. This tomfoolery has gone on long enough. (LEON pulls out
pistol and aims at hive. Changes his mind and aims at person holding hive offstage.
LEON shoots, hive falls, sound of person offstage falling down dead)
(after hive falls, ALL pull out their thingies. They fight valiantly while ‘flight of the
bumblebee’ plays in the backround. Fight lasts for about 15-20 seconds. It appears
hopeless)
MENDEVOLIN: Run Away!!!!!! (everyone repeating ‘run away’ as they move upstage
left)
(when all arive, SPRUCE pulls out sandwhich from bag and begins to eat it)
MENDEVOLIN: (astonished) Spruce, what are you doing? This is no time for a picnic.
Put that away we need to come up with a strategy.
LOWELL: (sniffing) Is that peanut butter and honey?
SPRUCE: Yeah, want some?
LOWELL: Sure, I’d love some, I haven’t eaten anything since we started this adventure.
SPRUCE: We’ve only been adventuring together for an hour and a half.
DEREK: Wait a minute. That’s it! Give me that (grabbing sandwhich from LOWELL.
LOWELL whimpers and “sits down”) I’ll be back in a sec. (DEREK move towards
hive and places sandwhich near hive then retreats. Once bees have taken bait about 15
sec. DEREK moves back to hive and retrieves wax.) Got it! (looks over shoulder, bees
chase ‘flight of the bumblebee’ plays again)
(exit ALL stage left)
ACT III SCENE III
NARRATOR: Mendevolin and his party set forth for the twin volcanoes hidden deep
within the diamond mountain range. With the candle now formed, our heroes are now
ready to face the terrible evil that lies ahead. (enter ALL , MENDEVOLIN first, stage
right. MENDEVOLIN noticing the candle stops suddenly, rest of the party runs him over.
everyone falls on MENDEVOLIN and candle breaks.) Well, almost ready.
MENDEVOLIN: (realizing the candle is broken) Oh this is just perfect. Everything I have
ever done, I have screwed up somehow.(MENDEVOLIN is in his own little world) I
failed as a tailor, (enter EVIL MAGE stage left) I can’t cast magic worth a damn, (ALL
but MENDEVOLIN see EVIL MAGE and creep away in fear) and now this! (gestures at
broken candle and breaks down crying)
EVIL MAGE: (approaches MENDEVOLIN, places hand on shoulder) There, there. It
will all be over very soon. (EVIL MAGE licks fingers and puts out candle) There, was
that really so bad. (EVIL MAGE laughter)
THE END