Stage 3 – Working with Internal Polarities
Before we proceeded to this stage, I made it clear that we were letting her mother go and continued by explaining that the external conflict she just experienced was actually a manifestation of internal conflict (of course, I used simpler language). I shared with her what I believed to be her internal polarities. Paula represented the part of her that wanted to be accepted as is but was too insecure to demand it. Virginia represented the more assertive side who was very harsh and judgmental of Paula. Without much hesitation, she agreed that these were accurate observations. I asked the longing to be accepted, insecure Paula to physically identify with this polarity by taking on her supposed posture. She immediately responded by slumping in her chair, folding her arms in her lap, and staring down at her shoes. I then asked her what her motto would be and she replied, “Love me for who I am”. I had her switch chairs and take on the posture of the assertive, harsh, and judgmental Paula, she then sat up very straight with both feet firmly planted on the ground and her hands resting on the arms of the chair. She appeared as if she were ready to pounce on someone at any instant. Her motto was, “I tell it like it is”. Paula was now keenly aware of her two polarities. I had these polarities engage in dialogue as in stage 2. Paula did this with little effort or resistance, and automatically assumed the posture and attitude of each polarity when in their respective chairs. Through this dialogue we found that the assertive, harsh, and judgmental side of Paula was the more dominant polarity. However, the harsh and judgmental side of Paula is what fueled her insecurity and made it a dominant force in her life as well.
Stage 4 – Integration:
The integration stage occurred spontaneously and with little guidance from me. In fact there was no clear break between stages 3 and 4, they simply blended together. During the dialogue, Paula was aware of how her polarities worked with and against each other and was able to detect the pros and cons of each side. As I continued to guide the dialogue, Paula expressed that while she appreciated the assertive, harsh, and judgmental side of her for being the driving force behind some of the more successful aspects of her life and her desire to want to improve herself, she was unhappy with how it fed her insecurities. She felt her assertiveness should be redirected a t individuals who judged her harshly, like her mother, which, in turn, would help her demand that she be accepted for who she is. I could tell Paula was feeling considerably less tense by this point so I decided to wrap up the session. I started by recalling how high she had rated her level of tension at the beginning of the session and had her re-rate it at this point. She claimed that her tension had diminished to a 3 and that she felt much better. I ended the session by summarizing the various events and complimenting her on her courage and willingness to explore these difficult issued and her ability to accept them as part of her. She thanked me for helping her through it and then we chatted for a while before I went home.
Because I had worked with Paula previously in Client Centered therapy, we had already developed a rapport and a foundation of trust. She was a far more open and willing participant this time around which made my job much easier. Overall, I felt that the session, which lasted 82 minutes, went very well, and I truly felt that I had helped Paula.